DFG President & Todd Abbot Visiting Hong Kong!?!

Company sources are confirming that both DFG President Dan Graves and disgruntled DFG artist Todd Abbot have temporarily set aside their differences and are exploring "The Land of the Rising Sun" together. Details of the visit haven't become yet known; but nothing short of blockbuster news is expected from this duo.
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DFG VP Ties the Knot With Love of Life

By Whois Keepintrack

On Special Assignment in Kelowna, BC

It was all smiles and joy this week in the DFG Comics British Columbia office as DFG Co-Publisher an V.P. tied the knot with the lovely Christine Gagne.  The liturgy was conducted by DFG's very own president and publisher Dan Graves and witnessed by DFG comic book artist and superstar Mark Andrews.  "The terrace of Sparkling Hill Resort was the perfect spot for such a lovely occasion - a lovely couple, a lovely venue *choke*," said Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, KC, QC, PhD, LLB, DFG's chief legal counsel as he choked back tears of joy.  "We are just so happy for Darryl  and Christine," said Chief Augustus Smith, head of DFG security, who headed a full security detail to ensure party-crashers and paparazzi did not intrude on this sacred moment.  "I guess I'm happy," said comic book legend and superstar Todd Abbot, "I mean, if Darryl is happy, then I guess I am happy.  Perhaps he'll drop the assault charges he has against me in all his euphoria."  Mr. Abbot was not present for the occasion but watched the event on his 4" screen from his holding cell in the Carnage City Police Department. 

When Dan Graves was approached for an interview after the event, all he could say, was single word, "Joy."  After they signed the register, and received the nuptial blessing, Mr. and Mrs. Andrews,m being presented by the priest, recessed down the aisle and then glided into their first dance, "Fly me to the Moon."

"It was the most lovely wedding I have ever been at," said DFG colourist, Flora Lovartalot, "we wish them all the best, and thank Dan Graves for his generosity in giving us a quarter of a day off work to enjoy this special day."  DFG offices are expected to be open this Saturday for staff to make up the time they missed to attend the wedding.

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Todd Abbot Celebrates 41st Birthday -- in Loneliness!

Special to DFG ONLINE by Fawney Bologna

Poor Todd Abbot; the guy just doesn't seem to get any respect.  Todd Abbot turned 41 yesterday, but it looks like his chickens are finally coming home to roost as not a single person showed up to his birthday party.  The party was held at DFG Corporate HQ in the lunchroom.  It was planned by DFG social convenor Ima Partianimmal.  Invitations were sent out weeks in advance and a special cupcake (with candle) and party hat were even ordered for Todd, but sadly, there he sat, in the DFG lunchroom, with no one to help him celebrate.  Oscar Foodlecollins, DFG webmaster, passed by the lunchroom but did not go in.  When asked why he missed the party, Foodlecollins said, "I had to take a massive dump."  DFG president Dan Graves was out of the country on business and DFG VP Darryl Andrews, who heads up the DFG West office in Kelowna, BC was in Prince George preparing to open a satellite bullpen.  Ima Partianimmal was asked why she did not attend the party she convened: "I plan parties, I don't go to them.  I hate to mix work and pleasure."  But other DFG insiders said that Todd really has burned most of his bridges at DFG.  Some time ago he was involved in insurance fraud with the supposed death and disappearnce of his then-lover, DFG Colourist Flora Lovaratlot, then he faked his own death, and then there have been the numerous lawsuits he has filed against DFG, and of course, the failed hostile takeover bid. "The sad truth is," our inside source revealed, "that nobody really likes Todd. He's actually just a mean prick."  The DFG executive apparently sent this special birthday greeting to Todd: "Dear Todd.  Happy Birthday."  When contacted for elaboration on this curt message, DFG VP Darryl Andrews said, "We wished him a happy birthday.  I don't see how we can be criticized in any way.  That cupcake and hat took us $2.49 over budget on our hospitality account this year.  In a year that we have faced signficant fiancial hardships, I think Todd should be please at the recognition he has received."  We tried to reach Todd Abbot for comment, but we did not want to disturb him as he was found crying next to the DFG dumpster.