DFG Re-organization Unveiled

Special to DFG ONLINE
by Bob Barnes

Depiction of Mrs. Sepultra Thunder
courtesy of Todd Abbot Studios

At a news conference this morning, Mrs. Sepultra Thunder, DFG's new executive director, unveiled the new staffing structure that will take DFG Comics into the future. Mrs. Thunder, a former fashion magazine executive and heiress to a major publishing family empire was engaged by DFG earlier this month to reorganize DFG and bring it into the modern era.  The 59 year old has lived up to her name.   As reported last week, several employees and contracters were let go, with thundrous reverberations echoing in the DFG corridors:  "The first, and most decisive move we needed to make," said a confident Mrs. Thunder, "was to sever all ties with the Todd Abbot studio. This studio of 'ghost artists' has proved unreliable throughout DFG's 31 year history, and yet, the management has continually engaged their services to meet the deadline pressures of an unrealistic multi-titled product line.  Not only has their work been unreliable, it has been grotesque, to say the least.  I had never read a comic book until Mr. Graves and Mr. Andrews engaged me to reorganize this company.  The first book I picked up was Captain Nepto Prime.  Good Lord, I thought, this is supposed to be Canada's favourite adventure strip character since 1981?  Spare me.  My infant grandson draws better pictures."

Mrs. Thunder then proceeded to explain the changes in the production department: "Clearly, the production schedule of DFG titles has been consistently mismanaged.  Customers will not stand for the delays that DFG has been well-known for.  There are many unfinished story arcs that have been left dangling for several years, all the while, the production department continues to push for new titles.  I was introduced to the production manager, a certain Frank Daniels, who has been known to ghost write for DFG as well.  It was clear that not only was he responsible for completely mismanaging his department, since at least 1985, he also had a signficant anger management problem that the company has tried unsuccessfully to help him address.  Well, let me tell you, I simply won't stand for any of this sort of nonsense.  As of last week, Mr. Daniels was terminated, as were several members of his department.  I am personally assuming responsiblity for this department and will be bringing over some of my own staff from my own consulting firm, Wind, Storm, Fire & Assoc., to carry out the day-to-day responsiblities."

Mrs. Thunder then turned to other support areas of DFG operations, "We have a so-called chief of sercurity, one Augustus Smith.  This position was clearly created for him as a sinecure without any significant responsiblity, after his retirement as chief of police.  He has not succeeded in tracking down the culprits who were behind various attacks on the DFG website, nor the thefts of DFG property, nor the person responsible for leaking sensitive information to the press.  DFG is not going to be a place where anyone gets a free ride.  Chief Smith has been terminated."

Mrs. Thunder also outlined the dismissal of several other low-level support staff employees and bullpen artists.  She then turned to the new structure:

"Effective immediately, I have appointed Ms. Flora Loveartalot to be the artistic director of DFG.  Ms. Loveartalot has a proven track recorded of getting the job done and has signficant untapped gifts in human resource management.  Her abilities are vital to bringing DFG forward."

She noted as well that Dan Graves and Darryl Andrews will stay on in figure-head positions as Co-Publishers, as well as President and VP respectively, but all day-to-day operations will be handled by herself.  "Mr. Graves and Mr. Andrews will return to what they do best, writing and drawing comic books," she added.

One of the only other staff members to remain is DFG janitor, Ernest Wontellalie, otherwise known as the employee with nine lives.  "Someone has to help me clean up this mess that is known as 'DFG Comics,'" she said, "and it might as well be a janitor.  And besides, I think he's kinda cute."