Todd Abbot Clinging to Life at Kelowna Hospital

By Fawny Bologna
Special to DFG ONLINE!

A publication ban has just been lifted on Todd Abbot's condition.  While rumours were spreading throughout the week that Todd Abbot had died as the result of the gunshot wound that he received last week a thoroughgoing police investigation was underway.  Chief Augustus Smith, head of DFG security and former chief of police of Carnage City, had asked the courts to place a publication ban on any reporting of the incident.  On Monday morning, Mr. Justice Josiah Pasdownaverdict complied with the Chief's request and placed the publication ban that has now been lifted.  Late this afternoon, Chief Smith held a press conference outside the hospital.  Here is a transcript of the proceedings:

Chief Smith:  Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for coming.  I hope that our investigation has proceeded to the point that we can now share some crucial data that has emerged.

Reporter A: Chief, can you tell us what exactly happened to Mr. Abbot?

Chief Smith: He was shot.

Reporter A: Yes, we know that, but how did it occur?

Chief Smith: Someone had a firearm and used it against Mr. Abbot.  Next.

Reporter B: Chief, do you know who it was that shot Mr. Abbot.

Chief Smith: Yes.

Reporter B: Will you disclose that information?

Chief Smith: Certainly.

Reporter B: Well then, who was it?

Chief Smitih: An individual who had procured a firearm.  Next.

Reporter C: Chief can you tell us where Mr. Abbot was shot?

Chief Smith: Yes... in the chest.

Reporter C: Well, yes, thank you for that information, but I suppose I was really asking "where" as in "what location"?

Chief Smith:  I told you. The wound was located in his chest.

Reporter C: I mean where was Mr. Abbot found?

Chief Smith:  He wasn't lost.  He was shot. Next.

Reporter D: Can you tell us Mr. Abbot's current condition?

Chief Smith: He is suffering from a gunshot wound to the chest. Next.

Reporter E: Were there any witnesses? Any evidence?

Chief Smith: Yes, two doctors have verified that he was shot in the chest.  They even have the bullet to prove it.

Reporter E: I think you may have misunderstood me, Chief. I meant, did anyone witness the shooting?

Chief Smith: I didn't misunderstand you at all.

Reporter E: Well, can you answer my question?

Chief Smith.  I did, and my answer stands.  Next.

Reporter F: Chief, you seem to be evading the questions.

Chief Smith: Next.

At that point the press conference was drawn to a close.  More details will be published as they become available.

Todd Abbot Shot

Reports are surfacing that Todd Abbot was shot early this morning by an unknown individual in his studio office at DTA Comics. A session of the Turkish parliament was suspended to allow legislators a chance to cope with the startling news. At press time condition of Mr. Abbot's well-being is unknown.

Todd Abbot Studios Poised for Hostile Takeover of DFG Comics

By Fawney Bologna
Special to DFG ONLINE!
Dateline: Carnage City
A DFG insider leaked the following rumour late last evening that DFG Comics was fighting off a hostile takeover from Todd Abbot Studios. As regular readers will know, DFG announced yesterday that it is facing serious financial difficulties and has sought creditor protection following labour action that began earlier this year. The insider, who wishes not to be named for fear of management reprisals, is a solid source and has been a regular leaker of DFG information to the press. Apparently Todd Abbot met with DFG VP Darryl Andrews late last evening at the BC office and proposed a deal that Mr. Andrews rejected out of hand. The insider, who was within hearing distance, reports that Mr. Abbot said, "Look Darryl, we can either do this pleasantly, or we can get our hands dirty in front of the media." Mr. Andrews is reported to have replied, "Dan sends you this message Abbot: 'The only way you will get DFG away from me is from my cold, dead hands!'" Mr. Abbot was reported to have a meeting scheduled with Mr. Mooney B. Aggs, chief general manager of Carnage City National Bank for first thing Monday morning in order to offer to bail out DFG and bring about a restructuring of management with himself at the head.

If Mr. Abbot is able to pull this off, it will be an extraordinary development in his hot-cold relationship with DFG over the years. In spite of legal action going back and forth over a variety of creative issues, Mr. Abbot has continued to work with DFG for nearly 30 years. He left the staff last year to form his own studio, the Todd Abbot Studio, that also functions under the name DTA Comics, a DFG subsidiary whose trademark DFG accidentally let slip two years ago. When Mr. Abbot acquired the rights to DTA is was a great embarrasment to DFG Comics. The Todd Abbot Studio continued to package stories and artwork for DFG (this has been a source of the labour unrest amongst the DFG bullpen), but has not produced anything this year. Could the withholding of material be part of a more sinister plan by Abbot to strangle DFG into submission?

Calls to the DFG Corporate HQ were unreturned at press time.

Breaking News! DFG Comics files for Bankruptcy Protection!

By Fawney Bologna
Special to DFG ONLINE!
Carnage City

Startling news broke this morning when word quickly spread throughout the DFG offices that DFG Comics has filed for bankruptcy protection.  DFG president Dan Graves was quick to issue the following press release:

"Fans will have noted that there have been no DFG publications released in the 2010 year to date. This has been because of an ongoing labour dispute with C.R.A.P.O.N.U. (Creators, Receptionists, Artists, Pencillers, and Oceanic Nautical Illustrators' Union)* local 41.  We have continued to offer generous compensation to all our staffers but they walked off the job in early January and as such no new publications have been produced or released.  This has, of course, affected our revenue stream.  We are now at the point of having Carnage City National Bank calling our line of credit.  This is not the end of DFG Comics, only an interlude.  We are confident that we can work out an arrangement both with our creditors and our staff."

The catalyst that led to the strike was the increasing use of non-union workers, especially the "Todd Abbot Studio"  (which works at a much lower page rate) leaving staffers with fewer assignments and certainly with fewer prestige assignments.  We spoke with Marty "Red" Bullshevic, a DFG staff letterer and president of C.R.A.P.O.N.U. local 41, "The last straw was when DFG VP Darryl Andrews took Todd Abbot and his studio to the new B.C. headquarters.  There were a lot of DFG staffers who thought they would get to move west as well and become part of the 'west coast bullpen.' We were completely shut out and Todd Abbot Studios got preferential treatment over longtime DFG staffers, contrary to the collective agreement.  That's when we walked."

DFG legal counsel, Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, K.G., Q.C., LLB, PhD (who is in remarkably good health for his age, having been born in 1867, and having suffered several health scares in the past few years) made the following statement: "Red Bullshevic and C.R.A.P.O.N.U should go back and read their collective agreement.  There is nothing that states we have to favour them over contracted studio work.  We would have never been so foolish to let labour run the shop at DFG."

The stand-off continues with DFG on the brink of collapse.  And all of this begs the question, if the Todd Abbot Studio is so favoured over DFG staffers, why has it failed to produce any material this year?

* Editor's note: The Oceanic Nautical Illustrators joined the union in 1932 when they were being treated very poorly by despotic ship captains.  Other artists and support workers in the creative world rallied to their support in a show of solidarity and later that year C.R.A.P.U. became C.R.A.P.O.N.U.

Wishing Everyone a Safe and Happy Holiday

P.S. Don't forget to renew your DFG subscriptions!