Todd Abbot Clinging to Life at Kelowna Hospital

By Fawny Bologna
Special to DFG ONLINE!

A publication ban has just been lifted on Todd Abbot's condition.  While rumours were spreading throughout the week that Todd Abbot had died as the result of the gunshot wound that he received last week a thoroughgoing police investigation was underway.  Chief Augustus Smith, head of DFG security and former chief of police of Carnage City, had asked the courts to place a publication ban on any reporting of the incident.  On Monday morning, Mr. Justice Josiah Pasdownaverdict complied with the Chief's request and placed the publication ban that has now been lifted.  Late this afternoon, Chief Smith held a press conference outside the hospital.  Here is a transcript of the proceedings:

Chief Smith:  Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for coming.  I hope that our investigation has proceeded to the point that we can now share some crucial data that has emerged.

Reporter A: Chief, can you tell us what exactly happened to Mr. Abbot?

Chief Smith: He was shot.

Reporter A: Yes, we know that, but how did it occur?

Chief Smith: Someone had a firearm and used it against Mr. Abbot.  Next.

Reporter B: Chief, do you know who it was that shot Mr. Abbot.

Chief Smith: Yes.

Reporter B: Will you disclose that information?

Chief Smith: Certainly.

Reporter B: Well then, who was it?

Chief Smitih: An individual who had procured a firearm.  Next.

Reporter C: Chief can you tell us where Mr. Abbot was shot?

Chief Smith: Yes... in the chest.

Reporter C: Well, yes, thank you for that information, but I suppose I was really asking "where" as in "what location"?

Chief Smith:  I told you. The wound was located in his chest.

Reporter C: I mean where was Mr. Abbot found?

Chief Smith:  He wasn't lost.  He was shot. Next.

Reporter D: Can you tell us Mr. Abbot's current condition?

Chief Smith: He is suffering from a gunshot wound to the chest. Next.

Reporter E: Were there any witnesses? Any evidence?

Chief Smith: Yes, two doctors have verified that he was shot in the chest.  They even have the bullet to prove it.

Reporter E: I think you may have misunderstood me, Chief. I meant, did anyone witness the shooting?

Chief Smith: I didn't misunderstand you at all.

Reporter E: Well, can you answer my question?

Chief Smith.  I did, and my answer stands.  Next.

Reporter F: Chief, you seem to be evading the questions.

Chief Smith: Next.

At that point the press conference was drawn to a close.  More details will be published as they become available.