Breaking News! DFG Colourist Flora Lovartalot Found Alive in the Jungles of Mbingo!

By Bob Barnes

Special to DFG ONLINE!

Word has just arrived in the DFG News Office that DFG Colourist, Flora Lovartalot, has been found alive in the jungles of Mbingo! Yes, that's right, Flora is alive! Over the past several months, DFG fans have been mourning the loss of one Canada's comic book greats. Last November, when DFG Comics moved into its new head office, tragedy struck when an untethered shelf of artwork fell on the popular colourist. After several days of keeping vigil, DFG fans were saddened to learn that Flora had succumbed to her injuries. It was a sad day for DFG, and an especially sad one for comic book legend Todd Abbot, who had been romantically linked to Flora in the days leading up to her death. But late last night, DFG legal counsel, Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, Q.C., K.G. PhD, LLB, who was on Safari in his birth country of Mbingo in Africa, stumbled onto an ancient village populated by a primitive, pre-industrial civilization deep in the jungle, in which he discovered that Flora Lovartalot is alive and well and being worshipped as a goddess by the local tribes. Goldfarbstein immediately notified DFG president and co-publisher Dan Graves and has begun legal proceedings against Ms. Lovartalot and Todd Abbot, who are now believed to have staged the entire accident as an elaborate piece of life-insurance fraud. When reached for comment, DFG VP and co-publisher Darryl Andrews made the following public statement:

"We are, of course, greatly relieved that Flora is alive. However, if she is in
anyway invovled in any kind of fraudulent activity with respect to the
corporation known as DFG Comics she (and any accesory) will be prosecuted to the
full extent of the law."

At press time, Chief Smith, head of DFG security has initiated a full investigation.

More Spy Comics Pages Leaked!

By Bob Barnes

Special to DFG ONLINE!

Back in August two pages of the highly anticipated Spy Comics Presents the Invincibles #5 were leaked by an inside source at DFG Corporate HQ (click here for story and pages). Now, amidst the pandemonium generated by the freak accident and hospitalization of DFG colourist, Flora Lovartalot, two further pages of Dan Graves pencilled artwork have been posted online. Pages 3 and 4 reveal the mounting tenion in the concluding chapter of "The Battle of the Invincibles." Again, the suspected source is DFG janitor, Ernest Wontellalie, who has already received several reprimands for his previous leaks. Oscar Foodlecollins, DFG webmaster has provided DFG ONLINE with scans of the pages. "I'm shocked... and saddened," said DFG Publisher and Vice-President Dan Graves, upon hearing of the leaked pages, "That someone would take advantage of the confusion of this tragic situation to loot the DFG offices for artwork to post on the internet is just plain unconscionable." Chief Augustus Smith, head of DFG security also commented, "We really have egg on our faces, this time. This sort of thing seems to now standard for DFG staffers. Let me tell you, this time we are going to lay charges and get to the bottom of such scandalous behaviour." At this hour, DFG legal counsel, Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, KG, QC, LLB, PhD, is in court attempting to obtain an injunction to have the pages removed from the internet.

DFG Colourist is Hospitalized... Todd Abbot Keeps Vigil at her Bedside

By Cynthia Martin

Freelance Reporter

Tragic news greeted the comic book industry this morning as we learned of the hospitalization of DFG colourist, Flora Lovartalot. Ms. Lovartalot, who has been at DFG Comics for less than a year has taken the industry by storm with her bold style, appears to have been the victim of a freak accident at DFG corporate headquarters. Precise details of the accident are unclear at this hour, but an inside source at DFG corporate HQ has told this reporter that the tragic accident occured shortly after a late-night staff meeting. "Apparently," says the unidentified source, "Ms. Lovartalot left the meeting after receiving her latest assignment. She went to the inventory shelves to retrieve artwork for colouring and as she reached for the artwork, the whole shelf toppled onto her and she was crushed." DFG Comics has just moved into its new HQ and the shelf apparently contained hundreds of heavy boxes of artwork dating back to the early 1980's. "It was just awful," said Antiquda Recordafile, DFG's head researcher, "I heard a crash, came running out and all I could see was this shelf, piles of boxes, scattered comic book pages and poor Flora's arms and legs protruding from underneath the fallen shelving unit -- there was no screaming, all I could hear was poor Flora wimpering in pain." DFG co-publisher and Vice-President Darryl Andrews was reached for comment, "I'm certainly not commenting to the press on such vicious rumours of our corporate irresponsbility. Just get that microphone out of my face, NOW!" While DFG bosses weren't talking, I caught up with DFG legal counsel Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, QC, KG, LLB, PhD, who noted, "DFG can bear no legal responsiblility for Ms. Lovartalot's carelessness and colossal stupidity." Another source noted that due to the haphazard nature of the recent move, the new shelving had not been properly tethered to the wall. DFG janitor and maintenence manager, Ernest Wontellalie was questioned by this reporter about this apparent oversight, "Tethered? Tethered?" he said, "Does anybody actually pay attention to those IKEA instructions that say you have to tether a bookshelf to the wall? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. They're bookshelves for crying out loud... People need to be careful, bookshelves fall over sometimes... sheesh." And what of poor Ms. Lovartalot's condition? Dr. Mortificus P. Dulytle commented that she is in critical condition at Carnage City General Hospital and in the ICU. He would not give any further information other than that DFG comic book legend Todd Abbot was keeping vigil by her bedside. This seems to confirm other reports that Ms. Lovartalot & Mr. Abbot have become romantically involved in recent days. Mr. Abbot was reached on his cellphone at the hospital, "It's just another example of the corporate irresponsiblity exercised by this friggin' company...Somebody's gotta bring those jackasses down before someone else is hurt... They hide behind that Goldfarbstein clown and his friggin LLB and pretend all is well in the friggin' DFG universe, well I can tell you, it's not all well, Flora's clinging to her life, here! DFG is cursed, man!" Mr. Abbot was obviously referring to the reputed "DFG Curse." The so-called "DFG Curse" as been dubbed such by observers who have noted the various calamities that have struck DFG staff members over the past year (Darryl Andrews was assaulted by thugs who broke into his villa earlier this year and looted his priceless art collection, Sir Milton Goldfarbstein was hospitalized after a mysterious illness, and Todd Abbot was suspected of having Kaposi's Sarcoma as well). We will keep you posted on Ms. Lovartalot's condition as information becomes available.

A Message from the Publisher

May 18th, 2008

Dear Fans:

As you will know, DFG Comics has recently been embroiled in a series of "creator-related" controversies with former DFG artist and staffer, Mr. Todd Abbot. The most recent controversy involved Mr. Abbot's seizing of an old DFG trade imprint (DTA Comics) and the rights to early Captain Nepto material. We at DFG planned to launch a new series, Captain Nepto Prime, set during the Silver Age of DFG (mid-late 1980's), while Mr. Abbot announced that DTA would be launching a rival Captain Nepto, Captain Nepto: The Original, set during DFG's Golden Age period (early 1980's). Things appeared to be at a stalemate, but thanks to the herculean efforts of DFG legal counsel, Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, LLB, PhD, QC, KG, who acted as mediator, Mr. Abbot & DFG Comics have come to an agreement. Mr. Abbot, and Nepto creator Darryl Andrews, will be collaborating on a single new Captain Nepto series, Captain Nepto Prime, co-published under the DFG and DTA banners. However, the series will differ significantly from DFG's previously announced series of the same title, as it will be set in Cap's earliest period (the period of Mr. Abbot's series). Mr. Andrews will handle the scripting and inking chores, while Mr. Abbot will provide the pencil artwork. I am pleased to add that Flora Lovartalot will be doing the colouring. I will be personally editing the title.

This agreement has meant that the previously solicted cover cannot be used for the first issue (the costume worn by Cap on the cover is from the late silver age period, whereas the new series will feature his original costume, wig and all!). We hope to be able to use Mr. Andrew's cover art for a future issue of Spy Comics.

I wish to thank DFG fans for their patience during this controversy. I am pleased that Mr. Abbot has returned to the DFG fold, and I am especially thrilled that we will be reuniting two giants from the original Captain Nepto series to return their hero to his former glory.

Committed to bringing you "the Best in Canadian Comics,"

I remain,

Dan Graves
President and Co-Publisher,
DFG Comics

DFG's "Big Three" -- or was that DFG's "Big Four"

By Bob Barnes

DFG ONLINE Staff Reporter

Todd Abbot is once again reported to be "furious" over another DFG "snub." The latest altercation comes on the heels of the "Captain Nepto Prime" snub earlier this week, in which Abbot was excluded from contributing to the new Captian Nepto Prime series. However, the latest controversy involves a picture posted to the DFG website by Vice-President and Co-Publisher Darryl Andrews, earlier today. The photo is entitled "DFG's Big Three: Pete, Dan and Darryl." But note, there is a fourth individual (whose hand and arm can be seen on Pete's left shoulder) who was cropped out. Abbot claims that this is him. "I was in on the ground floor during the Golden Age of DFG," said Mr. Abbot, "It's common knowledge throughout fandom that we were known as the 'big four.'" The picture was apparently taken at a DFG reunion c. 2000, at which Mr. Abbot was reportedly present, but had imbided considerable quantities of alcoholic beverages. "This photo was taken for a prominent fan magazine and it was supposed to acompany an article that outlined the influence of the 'big four,'" said Mr. Abbot, "Obviously the brass at DFG not only wants to cut me out of the current picture, but out of the canonical history of DFG as well! I can only say that I find this behaviour very hurtful." When asked about the photo, DFG President and Co-Publisher Dan Graves commented, "It's always been the 'big three.' There was never a 'big four.' Mr. Abbot is clearly delusional and has never adequately dealt with his alcohol problem. Incidentally, the figure cropped out of the picture is actually Pete's Dad, Jim Repas, who was present when Peter received a life-time achievement award for his contribution to the industry." Mr. Graves asked any further questions to be directed at DFG legal counsel, Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, who, incidentally has completely recovered from his earlier health scare.

Good News for DFG Comics at Easter!

By Bob Barnes
DFG ONLINE Staff Reporter

DFG head offices received good news this Easter morning when Dan Graves was notified that Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, DFG legal counsel, who had been on death's door in a coma, had woken up and was in good form. "He seems to be recovering well, almost miraculously," commented Dr. Alphonsus Mortibus of Carnage City Hospital. What had begun as chest pains a couple of weeks back quickly developed into pneumonia, a series of angina attacks, as well as decreased brain functioning. On Friday, this week (Good Friday), all hope was thought lost. Funeral arrangements had been made, a priest had been called to his bedside and last rites read. "I'm just relieved for him and his family," added DFG President and Co-Publisher, Dan Graves, "It just goes to show that miracles do happen... A Happy Easter, one and all."

Watch for updates on Sir Milton's condition as they develop.

Breaking News -- DFG Legal Counsel Hospitalized!

By Cynthia Martin

Freelance Journalist

"Good Lord! No!" These were the words of Chief Augustus Smith last night, upon learning that DFG legal counsel, Sir Milton Goldfarbstein, had been hospitalized due to chest pains earlier that day. The condition of Sir Milton, an icon of the legal community, is currently unknown. Chief Smith made the following comment: "Obviously any health scare for Sir Milton is of great concern given his advanced age."

Sir Milton was born in 1873 in the small Kenyan village of Mbingo. His father was a British medical missionary and his mother, who died last year, was a gypsy fortune-teller. The family returned to England in the late in 1882, where Milton became the youngest person ever to earn a law degree. He was "called to the bar" in 1884, quickly becoming partner in a prominent London law firm. He is the last remaining Victorian QC. He was elected to the British Parliament in 1905 and after serving as an officer in the First World War, was knighted by King George V (grandfather of Queen Elizabeth II) in 1919 for exemplary service to the British Empire. He has the distinction of being the last living "Knight of the Garter" from the reign of King George V. He retired from his firm in 1939, just before the outbreak of the Second World War, but was pressed into service as an undercover agent for His Majesty's Secret Service for the duration of the War. As a retirement hobby, Sir Milton earned a PhD in Molecular Biology and has lectured widely on the subject. In the 1970's he authored the seminal work, Fun with Molecules: What the Microscope Can Teach Us About the Funny Bone. He lived as a recluse for many years until he was invited by DFG President, Dan Graves, to join the company as its legal counsel.

"The hospitalization for Sir Milton is a crushing blow for DFG, at the moment," added Chief Smith. Sir Milton & Chief Smith have been actively engaged in dealing with several legal problems faced by DFG in the recent days.

Please keep Sir Milton, his seventh wife Minnie, and their, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great-great grandchildren, and their dog Rufus in your prayers.